


Your Own Personal Jesus

by doctorxdonna (badxwolfxrising)



Series: Earth Girls Are So Not Easy [5]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-16 16:40:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3495449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badxwolfxrising/pseuds/doctorxdonna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a night on the town, the Doctor and Donna stop in a karaoke bar and encounter one of the Doctor's old friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Own Personal Jesus

“Oh fuck me!” Donna cried out loud.

“Excuse me?” the Doctor replied sharply, not sure he’d heard her correctly. “What did you just ask me to do to you?”

Donna glared back at him, . “You wish, Time Boy. I just noticed that the pearls I was wearing are gone. Don’t know when or where they fell off, and I think we’re probably unlikely to find them here...”

It had been a perfectly lovely summer evening, for once. No alien death threats or intergalactic wars, just two friends enjoying each other’s company. He’d taken Donna to New York City to see a Broadway show-Chicago, incidentally, if that weren’t ironic. Seeing a show about one famous city performed in yet another iconic and famous city? Well, that was the sort of congruous incongruity that he loved. And Donna had just loved the show. He had a feeling that “Cell Block Tango” would be making it into her showertime karaoke routine. Not that he would know anything about her shower routine, which she did privately and alone, in her own quarters. It was just that sometimes he could hear her singing when he’d walk down the hall.

He thought she had a lovely voice actually, but it never seemed right to bring it up to her. He could picture that one going over like...well, like a lead zeppelin, frankly. _Hey Donna, I just wanted to tell you what a lovely voice you have when you’re in the shower. Why do I know you sing in the shower? Oh, no reason, no reason…_

If it sounded bad in his head, he had to imagine any actual conversation would go worse, as it usually tended to do whenever he played these scenarios out ahead of time. All of time and space he could see, and he still couldn’t figure out how to navigate living with a human woman. He shook his head, dissolving the image of a naked Donna singing songs from Chicago. They were walking through Central Park, not the TARDIS. He should be reveling in the moment he had with her now, not thinking illicit things about her bathing habits. Their human lives were so fleeting, he had learned that the hard way more times than he cared to count. He hung his head a little, but snapped back up, realising he hadn’t yet acknowledged Donna’s answer to his question.

“Well there’s no need to swear about it, it’s just a bauble, and you’ve certainly got enough of those,” he said. Seeing the look on her face, he hastily added, “But you deserve every single one of them and I’d happily take you to a place where I could find you a pearl necklace even lovelier than whatever you just lost.”

“You can’t replace the necklace. It belonged to my Gran Eileen-Gramps bought it for her in Japan, when he was traveling during the War. I wore it because it was a special occasion, or I guess I thought it was. But apparently I’ve gone and lost it. Figures,” she said bitterly, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes.

“Oh no, no, don’t do that, Donna,” the Doctor said in dismay, taking her by the wrists. “It _was_ a special occasion. Anytime I get to go out on the town with a beautiful woman is special. And we _will_ find your Gran’s pearls, I promise.”

“Promise?” she sniffed, letting him enfold her in a hug.

“Promise,” he echoed, his hands coming to rest at the small of her back.

Just then, two teenage boys running past them on the path jostled the Doctor hard enough that he stumbled, causing Donna to lose her footing and slip backwards. As they were still embracing, the two of them went down together in a graceless tangle of limbs.

“Are you alright?” the Doctor asked with alarm as the back of Donna’s head thumped against the grass. 

“Yeah..’m fine. It must’ve rained recently, the ground isn’t too hard,” she replied.

“Oh, well that’s good,” he said, relieved.

“Doctor?”

“Yeah, Donna?”

“Where’s the sonic?” she asked, her voice strained.

“In my front jacket pocket. Why?” he replied, bemused.

“You’re not toting any bananas, are you?”

“Not to my knowledge, no. Think I ate them all,” he mused.

“Get off,” she replied flatly, pushing on his shoulders with her hands.

“Oi!” he muttered, carefully picking himself up off of her and offering a hand to help her up. She gave him a wary look, but accepted his hand and let him pull her back up to a standing position. “We’ll just trace our way back to the theatre. Who knows, maybe it fell off there and someone turned it into the lost and found.”

“Yeah..maybe,” Donna sighed dejectedly, not sounding particularly convinced by the Doctor’s optimism.

‘We’re going to find it, Donna,” he said, taking her hand and giving her a crinkly-eyed smile. “If we could find each other again in the whole wide universe, I think we can handle finding a necklace in New York City.”

“Alright, alright, I get the point. I’m not mad at you, I’m just mad at myself, okay? I can’t believe I was so careless. At least I have someone as patient and practical as you with me to help look for it. We’ll try and find it,” she said, offering him a forced smile in return.

“That’s my girl!’ he said, pointing them on a course back to the theatre, during which he kept up an animated stream of chatter about the hidden history of New York. Donna smiled and nodded politely, but her heart admittedly wasn’t into it. She was still just sick over losing her Gran’s necklace, one of the few mementos she had to remember her by. 

The Doctor’s optimism was not misplaced. When they arrived back at the theatre they discovered the necklace had been turned into the lost and found. An elderly woman had found it on the floor of the ladies’ loo near the sink, where it must’ve fallen off when Donna had been washing her hands.

“Told you we’d find it,” he said, waggling his eyebrows at her cockily as they walked down the street away from the theatre.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I hear you. Tell me Doctor, do you ever get tired of being right about everything all of the time?” she groused good naturedly.

“Not really, no,” he said innocently, pulling at his ear and ducking when she made to slap him. “But now that you’re in a better mood, perhaps we can do something fun. That is if you left your cranky trousers behind, of course. Like...karaoke, maybe? He said this hopefully as he pointed across the street to a little bar behind her. The flickering neon sign simply read ‘Charley’s’. The cardboard sign taped up in the window underneath it indicated half-priced bottles and karaoke on Wednesday nights, ladies drink free.

“I don’t know,” Donna replied dubiously. “You doing karaoke?”

“Yeah, I love karaoke!” he said with a grin, making to tug her across the street. They waited for a break in traffic before dashing across, narrowly avoiding a speeding taxi along the way. On the other side, Donna stopped to adjust her dress, which had slipped a little as they had run across the street. 

What happened next though was nothing short of serendipitous. It was only as he heard the approaching screech that the Doctor realised where Donna was standing, but before he could warn her the rush of the train passing underneath them drowned out his voice and left her frantically trying to hold her skirt down as it blew up around her waist. Unlike Marilyn though, Donna had the presence of mind to step off of the subway grating, but not before the Doctor had caught an eyeful of her lacey black knickers and pale, smooth thighs. When she met his gaze, she was blushing furiously.

“Quit lookin’ at me like that! This ain’t _The Seven Year Itch_ and I ain’t Marilyn Monroe!” she huffed at him and several other onlookers in indignation.

“No, you’re certainly not,” he said sincerely, watching her eyebrows raise. “You’re smarter and prettier.”

“And you’re a terrible liar. Now come on, before I change my mind about the whole thing,” she grumbled, pulling him by the arm into the bar.

Inside, the music was only a little bit louder than the raucous conversation of the bar goers. The Doctor’s view of the stage was blocked, but someone with a rich and familiar voice was singing Billy Joel’s “Captain Jack”, and he would recognize that cocksure accent anywhere.

“Really?” he muttered in disgust. “You would, you vain little son of a-”

“Who’s that?” Donna breathed, interrupting him to point through a gap in the crowd to the stage, where none other than Captain Jack Harkness was grasping a microphone pole and gyrating his hips like he thought he was Elvis. As the music wound to a close, he looked up and caught the Doctor’s gaze. His eyes lit up, and he started pushing his way through the throng of applauding women near the front of the stage.

“No one good, that’s who. Whatever he says to you, don’t let him convince you that he’s actually a gentleman. I assure you, he’s not. He’ll shag anything with a pulse, and that’s not an exaggeration. He’s an old friend, but he’s a scoundrel,” the Doctor said with a frown.

Donna gave him the hoary eyeball at that remark. “Takes one to know one, Doc. What are you, my dad? Since when are you interested enough in my sex life to warn me off another guy? If I didn’t know better, I’d almost think you were jealous of this bloke.”

“Since when do you wear black lacy knickers on an outing with your ‘best mate’? Unless the X-rated cleavage and come-hither lingerie wasn’t actually for my benefit,” the Doctor said sharply.

Donna just stared at him, lips pursed, and he realised he might have crossed a line. Jack picked that moment to insert himself between the two of them, a hand on each of their shoulders.

“Doc! Fancy meeting you here. Long time no see! And your lovely companion is…?”

“Donna. Donna Noble,” she supplied before the Doctor could even open his mouth. He was still reeling a little from that look. He’d seen that look on women’s faces before, and it never, ever ended well for him.

“Donna Noble, Captain Jack Harkness. The pleasure is all mine,” Jack said, planting a kiss on Donna’s outstretched hand. If Jack noticed the stormcloud look the Doctor was fiercely shooting his way, he ignored it.

“Well see about that,” she said with a laugh, turning back to the Doctor. Her face became more serious again. “Well Mr. Bollocks, this was your idea. Why don’t you go sign up to make a fool of yourself first?”

“Since I will _not_ be making a fool out of myself, that shouldn’t be a problem,” the Doctor said, getting in the queue for the DJ booth. He fixed Jack with a deep, burning, and unfriendly stare. “And Jack? No. Just no.”

Donna turned to look at Jack, amusement playing across her face. “Do I even want to know?”

“It’s a long, convoluted story. But I believe that was his way of saying he doesn’t want me to flirt with you,” Jack chuckled, shaking his head.

“Oh really? And why wouldn’t he want you doing a thing like that, Captain Jack?” she asked him, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

“Well, either because he knows me or he fancies you, I’d imagine,” Jack said.

“Well he doesn’t fancy me, so scratch that. You want a drink? I’m thinking a beer would do well with the entertainment,” she said, gesturing back at the Doctor, who was all pinstripes and plimsolls as he bounced up and down, waiting his turn. He caught Donna’s eye and waved.

“Yeah, sure about the beer,” Jack said, flagging the bartender down and ordering them each a lager. “But I wouldn’t be so sure about him not fancying you. He obviously has some kind of feeling for you, based on the death stare he gave me not a few moments ago.”

“Why does _everyone_ always think we’re a couple?” she said, throwing her hands up in exasperation as the bartender set a pint in front of her.

“Hmm. Maybe the rest of us just see something you two won’t acknowledge,” Jack said, raising his arm to point. “Looks like the Doc is up!”

“Right,” Donna said absently, feeling suddenly exposed by this handsome stranger. The first strains of Depeche Mode’s “Personal Jesus” started playing through the speakers, interrupting the uncomfortable introspection she was having. “Oh, you’ve got to be _kidding_ me.”

Jack just laughed into his beer, either already drunk or enjoying some kind of private joke that she was not privy to. But when the Doctor’s voice joined the music, both of them looked up from their drinks, transfixed.

“ _Reach out and touch faith!_ ” the Doctor growled into the microphone, looking out over the crowd.

Donna had to hand it to the Doctor-she’d always thought he had a bit of carney in him. He was a showman, but he could just as easily flimflam people who weren’t paying attention. There was no one in this room though who wasn’t paying attention to him right now up on the stage as he sang and swayed sinuously along with the music, herself included. It was only Donna his eyes were fixed on as he sang, though. She felt her mouth go dry.

“So you were saying? About the Doctor not fancying you,” Jack said, elbowing her gently.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she blushed. “He’s just showing off because I said he’d make a fool of himself.”

“Uh huh. Well, I’m not sure if I’m buying it. Not the way he’s looking at you,” Jack said, sounding a bit more sober this time.

Donna wasn’t going to try to explain the complexities of her relationship with the Doctor to this man. More because she didn’t want to pick them apart herself than anything else. “We’re just mates. Honestly.”

She hadn’t forgotten the comment the Doctor had made earlier about her knickers, though. Nor had she forgiven him for embarrassing her with his ridiculous platitude about her being smarter and prettier than Marilyn Monroe. Already, she was forming a plan in her mind to get back at him.

“ _Take second best, put me to the test, things on your chest you need to confess. I will deliver, you know I’m a forgiver…_ ” the Doctor crooned, gazing at her through half-lidded eyes. It gave Donna pause. Maybe Jack wasn’t _entirely_ off base. The Doctor was certainly being...suggestive, whether he realised it or not. Maybe he didn’t. He was a bit of an alien git, after all. Still, he was also a master manipulator, and right now Donna thought he knew exactly what he was doing.

She finished her beer and went to go sign up to sing. The rest of the crowd must have been temporarily transfixed by the Doctor (what a surprise), so there was no wait. She couldn’t hear over the din, so she wrote her request on a slip of paper and passed it to the DJ, who took it and nodded. As soon as the Doctor had finished to explosive applause, the DJ indicated Donna should take her place up on the stage, and she realised with nervousness that she was nowhere near drunk enough to be attempting what she was about to. The Doctor swished passed as she climbed the stairs, and he winked at her as he went by.

Oh, it was _on_.

“How’s doings yourself, you old dog. What’s the deal with you and the delectable Miss Donna Noble there?”

“There is no deal, Jack. We’re just friends,” the Doctor replied wearily, accepting his drink from the bartender.

“Right. You eyerape all your friends while you sing sexily to them then? Because I must have missed that portion of the program when we traveled together,” Jack said sarcastically.

“Well gee, don’t sound so bitter about it,” the Doctor replied mildly, choosing not to acknowledge Jack’s accusation.

Just then, the music started back up, drawing Jack and the Doctor’s attention to the stage where Donna was standing. She smoothed her hands down over her dress and reached for the microphone, keeping her gaze turned down at the ground.

“ _I’m so tired of playing, playing with this bow and arrow, gonna give my heart away, leave it to the other girls to play. For I’ve been a temptress too long…_ ,” Donna sang, hips swaying.

Jack whistled appreciatively, the sentiment echoed by several other bar patrons. The Doctor just gulped, and took a long pull from his drink. He hadn’t expected Donna to sing something so...seductive. Her voice was like velvet and honey, and he couldn’t help but notice the looks she was getting from several of the other male patrons. An ugly stab of jealousy tore at his hearts as Donna winked at someone at the head of the crowd. If she’d intended to get his attention, it had certainly worked. 

“Man, has she got a voice on her!” Captain Jack exclaimed.

“That she does,” the Doctor agreed, transfixed.

“ _So don’t you stop being a man, just take a little look from outside when you can. Show a little tenderness, no matter if you cry…_ ” Donna purred, and this time she was looking directly at the Doctor, who squirmed uncomfortably under her piercing gaze.

“Call me crazy Doc, but I think she’s singing to you,” Jack said conspiratorially.

“Don’t be daft,” the Doctor muttered.

“There’s no way you two are just friends,” the Captain laughed. “Sex on a stick, that one is.”

“Don’t you dare talk about Donna like that,” the Doctor warned.

“Why? Feeling a little...possessive?” Jack teased.

“We’re just mates,” the Doctor insisted, the words sounding weak even to his own ears. “That’s how Donna wants it and that’s how it’ll be.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that, not after that performance,” Jack said as the music faded out. The crowd broke into wild applause as Donna picked her way carefully back to the bar, looking pleased with herself. She plunked herself down on a stool next to the Doctor, and flagged down the bartender to order another beer.

“That was some performance, Donna,” Jack commented. “You’ve got the whole crowd flustered.”

“I do what I can,” she replied with a smile, accepting her drink from the bartender, who waved her money away.

“This one’s from the gentleman down the bar,” he said, pointing to a dark haired guy sitting several stools down. Donna blushed, and waved in thanks.

“Remind me again why I thought this was a good idea?” the Doctor grumbled, spinning his empty glass.

“Because it’s fun? This was your idea, Time Boy,” Donna reminded him. On the other side of her, Jack looked positively gleeful at the Doctor’s discomfort.

“I know. And I’m ready to go whenever you are,” the Doctor groused.

Donna laughed. “Spaceman, I’m just getting started!”

**Author's Note:**

> The song Donna sings in this piece is "Glory Box" by Portishead.


End file.
